THREE THINGS I NEED – Week 14

4 weeks left in the season and I’m already itching for playoffs. We’ve officially reached the point where the Patriots have shown they’re best team in the league, and anyone who disagrees is a god damn cod fish. The Bills game was mortifying looking back. Like I said in Best Week/Worst Week, it was way more uncomfortable than it needed to be. Tom threw zero tuddies and one pick. Gronk lost his mind and pile drove Tre’Davious into the next realm, and he’s been suspended for a game. Things are getting into the, “only bad things can happen” territory and I DO NOT like it.

Unfortunately the reality of the situation is that the season is very much still in must win mode. Thanks to Marvin Lewis dishing out one of the most Marvin Lewisy performances of all time, the Steelers remain a big issue. The blogging staff of NEPatriotsLife.com could have paraded out there in the second half and won that game. Because Marvin Lewis is a somehow still employed, the Steelers continue to threaten the Pats for the 1 seed. With a game against them on the schedule, that means every week matters in a very big way.

NUMBER 1. Need a win. Sounds cliché maybe, but let’s accept the bitter reality that Tom has a losing record in Miami. I discussed with the Bills game how the Pats play like shit heads against AFC East teams quite often, and with Gronk out this just feels like one of those games that could be a dumpster fire. At the beginning of the season you look at the schedule and you have to identify what games could be potential loses. Sadly, every year I look at the AFC East stretch towards the end of the season and chalk those up as a maybe. If we lose the one seed to the Steelers and we look back and this is the game that caused it, we’ll all be puking in our shoes.

NUMBER 2. This one pains me to say, but I need Hogan to play. Hoags has been out for 4 weeks after looking like he might never hold a pencil again after taking a helmet straight to the bicep. The pats released their injured players at practice today and it looked like a god damn all-star lineup. Brady (DNP), Cannon (DNP), Van Noy (DNP), Wise (DNP), Butler (LP), Flowers Squared (LP), Gilmore (LP), Hogan (LP), King (LP), Rowe (LP), Slater (LP), Waddle (LP), Reilly (LP). That’ll make the butthole pucker right up. The last thing we need is to rush Hogan back and risk him getting hurt again and missing playoffs. The issue is, like I said, this game is must win. Without Gronk, Tom needs that big body, and Hogan is it. Gonna need 15 to channel his inner lax bro and nut up for me.

NUMBER 3. NO. MORE. PICKS. This is one of those stats that we without a doubt take for granted. Tom throws the fewest picks of any starting quarterback, and yet every time he throws one we all act like the world is ending. The thing that makes Tom so amazing is he does the exact same thing. He knows how bad turnovers are just like we do, and he’s the last person on Earth who wants to throw them.

Through week 14 he has 4 already. I hate that. You hate that. Tom hates that. He has picks in back to back games, and 3 of his 4 are to the 3 AFC East teams. Let’s cut the fucking shit and stop throwing the ball away to horrible football players. 26 – 4 for Tom is just heinous. I can’t imagine adding even one more to that second column. We’re trying to win football games (and MVPS) and picks won’t do it. Granted it doesn’t help when the NFL is letting cry baby bitches like Tre-Davious White foul his way to bullshit interceptions. Let’s get a 3 or 4 tuddy and zero pick game from Tom and get the hell out of Miami.