Fantasy Fix: Sunday Wrap - 5 Up/5 Down

It was another maddening week in the 2013 Fantasy Football season that is known as Bizarro World. In Bizarro World, Tavon Austin is Jerry Rice, Nick Foles is Dan Marino, Pierre Thomas is Walter Payton and Tony Romo can throw a football over them mountains.

With only one game remaining in Week 10, let’s run down Sunday’s Fantasy studs and duds by position.

FIVE UP 

1. The Crown Royal Reign On Player of the Week: Tavon Austin, WR, 32.20 Fantasy points: Tavon Austin caught two passes for 138 yards and two touchdowns. Austin also added another 145 yards and a 98-yard touchdown on four punt returns. According to my handy abacus that’s 314 all-purpose yards.

2. Drew Brees, QB, 31.68 points: Brees completed 34-of-41 passes for 392 yards and four touchdowns. He’s kind of good. But, what’s that weird scar on his face? Creeps me out.

3. St. Louis Rams, DEF, 29.00 points: The Rams defense had five turnover, a fumble return for a TD and three sacks. If I had told you last week that Tavon Austin and the Rams D would combine for over 60 Fantasy points you would have pointed and laughed. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I’m sensitive.

4. Pierre Thomas, RB, 23.10 points: Thomas ran for 87 yards, had 24 through the air and scored two TDs. Who would you rather own right now, Ray Rice or Pierre Thomas? Monsieur Thomas. Thank you disembodied readers voice, but it was kind of a rhetorical question and why the French accent? Oh, I get it.

5. Julius Thomas, TE, 15.60 points: Thomas caught three passes for 96 yards and a touchdown. Orange Julius keeps putting up tasty numbers. Now I’m craving Cinnabon.

FIVE DOWN 

5. Colin Kaepernick, QB, 4.24 points: Kaepernick completed 11-of-22 passes for 91 yards with no touchdowns and one interception. Kaepernick this!

4. Steven Jackson, RB, 2.00 points: Jackson “ran” nine times for 11 yards and caught three passes for nine yards. I say “ran” because it looked more like he took a step forward and collapsed into the fetal position.

3. Roddy White, WR, 2.00 points: White returned to action and no one really noticed. He caught one pass for 20 yards. That’s only one more catch than you had this week.

2. Vernon Davis, TE, 0.20 points: Davis had one catch for two yards and one drop for a concussion. I started him over Julius Thomas and I suffered a concussion after smashing my head against the wall repeatedly.

1. Dallas Cowboys, DEF, -1.00 points: The ‘Boys gave up 49 points, a Saints record 625 yards and an NFL record 40 first downs. There must be a way to blame this on Tony Romo.


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